|
 Coping
With Loss | Aaron
Beinhauer
The Funeral
Director of Bogan-Wolf Funeral Home in Bridgeville is Aaron
Beinhauer. Bogan-Wolf is a partner location of Woodruff Family
Services. For more information visit
www.woodrufffamilyservices.net.
Coping
With the Holidays
Handling the
holidays is not a matter of how to eliminate pain and grief from
our lives. It is about learning to live with pain and grief
rather than being consumed by it. Because holidays represent
special moments and family rituals, customs and traditions,
grief may be magnified. As individuals we are grieving the
holiday that has changed because of our loss.
Loneliness is often
heightened during the holidays. Being in a group or crowd of
people trying to have fun and be happy often times seems
impossible. The task at hand is learning to live with what is
not — not what was yesterday.
Accept the
likelihood of your pain
Your pain comes because you have loved another, as they have
loved you. Beginning with October 31(Halloween) till the end of
the year comes the holiday season with many reminders. The
energy spent trying to avoid the holiday is perhaps better
applied towards establishing new holiday traditions.
Feel whatever it is
you feel
You cannot be rushed through grief. Well-meaning friends may
say, “You’ll be fine.” “Time heals all wounds, etc.”
You may expect to feel sad, depressed, anxious, fearful, guilty
and apathetic. You should also be aware that it is okay to feel
love, pride, joy and happiness. Yes, even to smile and laugh!
Express your
emotions
Just being yourself best sums up the success of your effort to
determine how you feel. You are a new self this holiday season.
Take care of that self. Try new things slowly – baby steps are
best.
Plan Ahead
Make a list:
What I (we) used to
do.
What I’d like to do.
What I can do.
Certainly the list
will be revised many times before, during and after the
holidays. In the past, if you cooked – eat out or – accept
Dear Aunt Bessie’s invite, and create your own scene before
dinner! Then the turkey will be salty and her ham dry, but
companionship and new environs go a long way in setting new
holiday events. Ask the younger members of your family for some
ideas.
Take charge where
you can
Try getting out the boxes with your holiday decorations before
you need them. Maybe it’s time to just buy a fresh wreath that
will smell good and forego all of the glitter and tinsel from
other years. Simple is always in style. That trolley ride to
town to see the stores decorated and to have lunch with a friend
can replace the annual trip to see the Nutcracker Ballet this
year.
Be gentle with
yourself
Don’t force yourself to listen to your favorite holiday song
or watch the Rudolph Show alone. Try a new show, change your
radio station, rent a movie, and order take out food. Those
little boxes of Chinese always look so fun.
Welcome Hope
Don’t be afraid to try new things, experiences, and comfort
food dishes. If you have a computer, or access to one, the
Internet offers hours of exploration and yes, challenges. The
only thing you need to try if you fail at first is — again! If
life was as easy as it often looks on TV, pigs would fly, cars
wouldn’t need gas, and panty hose would last forever. |
'Tis
the Season
