Holiday TV’s On-Screen Warmth
Eat ’n Park, Ralphie Parker, and having a beer with Dr. Seuss
By Lelaina Pierce

Although the city sparkles with lights and tinsel by mid-November, I can never get into the holiday spirit until I see Eat ’n Park’s Christmas commercial.

For two decades, my yuletide gaiety has revolved around this 30-second ad, which features a cartoon star attempting to plant itself atop a towering evergreen. My eyes fill with tears as I watch the tenacious luminary leap into the air and then flutter back down to the snow-packed earth. In a gesture of goodwill, the tree bends over and picks up the panting star.

“We hope the special lift you get this holiday season lasts all year long,” a voice intones above a symphonic crescendo. “Happy Holidays from Eat ’n Park.”

I can’t help but smile, even when Sally Wiggin pops back on my screen to report a murder-suicide. Singing “Joy to the World,” I head to the basement to retrieve my Christmas decorations.

Thanks to YouTube, a site that features the famous TV spot, this year’s Christmas celebration started a week before Halloween. After I am transported to Christmas past by Eat ’n Park’s marketing department, I cannot seem to pull myself away from the television.

Ralph Parker, the kid from “A Christmas Story”, is like a brother to me, especially on December 24, when TBS airs the movie for 24 straight hours. By hour 17 of the marathon, I want to stick my tongue to a flagpole, eat meatloaf like a piggy, suck on a bar of Lifebuoy soap and shoot my eye out with an official Red Ryder carbine action, two-hundred shot range model air rifle.

That’s when I decide to change the channel.

A beer and a screening of “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” is the perfect way to end a day spent in front of the boob tube.

In order to bring the children’s classic up to speed with my (ahem) adult sensibilities, I take a sip of I.C. Light each time the word “who” is said.

Considering that the Dr. Seuss story is about a bunch of “Whos” who live down in “Who-ville” eating things like “Whopudding” and “Who-hash,” the magic word is uttered approximately 5,000 times in less than 30 minutes.

The next morning, I feel as sick and weak as that sad, little Eat ’n Park star.

Then I come to the realization that it’s Christmas morning and, suddenly, I am uplifted.

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